Liberating Yourself from Energy Drains

In the aftermath of profound loss, your emotional and physical energy is already stretched thin. Grief demands a significant amount of mental and emotional bandwidth, leaving you with less capacity for other things in life. During this time, it’s essential to identify and distance yourself from people, situations, or habits that drain your energy rather than support your healing. These “energy drains” can come in many forms, from toxic relationships to overwhelming obligations.

Liberating yourself from these drains is an act of self-care and self-preservation, allowing you to focus on what truly nurtures you as you navigate your grief journey.

We’ll explore how to identify energy drains in your life, strategies for setting boundaries, and ways to create a supportive environment that fosters healing and growth.

Recognising the Sources of Energy Drains

Energy drains can come from a variety of sources. Some may be obvious, like a negative relationship, while others may be more subtle, such as certain habits or environments that leave you feeling depleted. Identifying these drains is the first step toward freeing yourself from them.

Toxic or Draining Relationships - Certain relationships may feel like a one-way street, where you give more than you receive, or where the other person’s behaviour leaves you feeling exhausted. People who are consistently negative, unsupportive, or emotionally demanding can quickly sap your energy. During grief, these relationships can feel even more draining, as they require you to expend emotional energy you may not have.

Overwhelming Obligations - Taking on too many responsibilities or agreeing to commitments out of a sense of obligation can be a significant energy drain. Grieving requires time and space, and feeling obligated to attend social events, volunteer activities, or even work projects may leave you feeling spread thin and unable to focus on your own needs.

Negative Self-Talk and Habits - The way you talk to yourself can be an energy drain if it’s overly critical or harsh. Negative self-talk reinforces feelings of guilt, shame, or inadequacy, which can add to the emotional burden of grief. Similarly, habits such as overworking, excessive screen time, or ignoring your physical health can leave you feeling depleted.

Physically Draining Environments - Certain environments can take a toll on your energy, especially if they are noisy, cluttered, or stressful. Physical spaces that feel chaotic or unsupportive can make it harder for you to find peace and rest. Additionally, environments that constantly remind you of loss, such as certain social circles or locations, may also feel emotionally exhausting.

Setting Boundaries with People and Situations

Once you’ve identified the sources of energy drains in your life, the next step is to set boundaries to protect your well-being. Setting boundaries can feel challenging, particularly if you’re accustomed to putting others’ needs ahead of your own. However, establishing boundaries is essential for healing and allows you to preserve the energy you need for yourself.

Communicate Your Needs Clearly - When it comes to relationships, let people know what you need (and don’t need) from them. For instance, you might say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not ready to discuss certain topics right now,” or “I need some time to myself to recharge.” By clearly communicating your needs, you give others a chance to understand your boundaries and respect them.

Limit Your Exposure to Negative People - If certain people consistently drain you, it’s okay to limit the time you spend with them or to take a break from the relationship entirely. You might reduce interactions with them, stop responding to their calls or messages as frequently, or only see them in group settings where their impact is less direct. Protecting yourself from negativity allows you to focus on the relationships that bring you comfort and support.

Learn to Say No - Grief is a time for self-care, and it’s important to prioritise activities that nurture you. Saying no to obligations that feel overwhelming or unhelpful is an act of self-respect. You don’t need to explain your reasons; a simple, “Thank you for inviting me, but I’m going to pass this time” is enough. Saying no allows you to reserve your energy for things that feel restorative.

Reduce Engagement with Energy-Draining Activities - Take stock of your daily habits and routines to identify anything that drains you unnecessarily. If you find that certain activities, like excessive time on social media, leave you feeling drained or negative, consider reducing or eliminating them. Instead, replace these activities with ones that bring you peace, such as reading, spending time in nature, or engaging in creative pursuits.

Create Supportive Environments - Curate your physical environment to make it more conducive to healing. Declutter spaces where you spend a lot of time, and add items that bring comfort, such as soft lighting, calming colours, or items that hold positive memories. You may also want to create a designated space in your home where you can retreat when you need time to rest and recharge.

Practicing Emotional Detachment with Compassion

In addition to setting boundaries, learning to practice emotional detachment can help you protect your energy. Emotional detachment doesn’t mean cutting yourself off from people or experiences; rather, it’s about letting go of emotional investments in situations or relationships that drain you. By practicing emotional detachment, you allow yourself to release feelings of guilt, responsibility, or obligation that may no longer serve you.

Visualise a Barrier of Protection - When you’re in a situation that feels draining, imagine a protective barrier around yourself. This could be a bubble of light, a shield, or any other visual that resonates with you. Picture this barrier filtering out negativity, allowing only positive and supportive energy to reach you. This simple visualisation can help you maintain emotional distance when needed.

Allow Others to Take Responsibility for Themselves - Remember that you are not responsible for others’ happiness or their reactions to your boundaries. You may feel pressure to comfort or “fix” the feelings of friends or family members, but it’s essential to recognise that everyone is responsible for their own emotions. By allowing others to take responsibility for themselves, you free yourself from unnecessary emotional burdens.

Release the Need for Validation - It’s common to seek validation from others, especially when setting boundaries or stepping away from draining situations. However, relying on external validation can be another source of emotional drain. Remind yourself that your choices and needs are valid, regardless of others’ opinions. Practicing self-validation allows you to honour your own truth without seeking approval from those around you.

Creating a Life That Supports Your Healing

Liberating yourself from energy drains is not only about avoiding negativity but also about actively cultivating a life that supports your healing and growth. As you let go of the people, situations, and habits that drain you, focus on filling your life with activities, relationships, and environments that bring you peace and nourishment.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People - Seek out friends, family members, and communities that are understanding, compassionate, and respectful of your needs. These are the people who will listen without judgment, offer comfort without expectation, and encourage you to take the time you need to heal.

Engage in Activities that Recharge You - Spend time doing things that bring you joy or relaxation. This could be as simple as taking a walk, spending time with pets, reading, or engaging in a hobby. Engaging in activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit can restore your energy and provide a sense of renewal.

Practice Self-Compassion Daily - Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a close friend. Acknowledge the difficulty of your journey and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can. Self-compassion allows you to rest without guilt, to honour your emotions without judgement, and to prioritise your healing unapologetically.

Cultivate a Peaceful Environment - Create a home environment that supports your need for rest and reflection. Whether it’s through soft lighting, calming music, or meaningful objects, filling your space with things that bring comfort can help you create a sanctuary where you can recharge and feel safe.

Embracing Freedom and Reclaiming Your Energy

Freeing yourself from energy drains is a powerful act of self-love. As you release the relationships, obligations, and habits that no longer serve you, you create space for healing, growth, and renewal. Remember that liberating yourself is not selfish; it’s a necessary step toward reclaiming your life after loss and allowing yourself the grace to heal.

As you move forward, let go of anything that weighs you down and focus on nurturing the things that lift you up. Reclaim your energy by honouring your boundaries, embracing self-compassion, and filling your life with the people and experiences that bring you peace. In doing so, you’ll find a new sense of freedom - a freedom to heal, to grow, and to live in a way that honours both yourself and the memory of your child.